Stalking and Gaslighting

Stalking and Gaslighting

Stalking is defined as repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or any other behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear. Similarly, gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. 

Gaslighting and stalking are rather common and can happen to you as they have happened to me without any apparent reason; indeed, someone may desire something you own or may just envy you or your life. In my case they were friends of relatives but in many cases are lovers, friends, or relatives.

Gaslighting

According to Psychology Today, gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. Gaslighting, at its core, is a form of emotional abuse that erodes your ability to make judgments. Thus, I warmly suggest you to consider the ten signs of gaslighting:

  1. They tell blatant lies.
  2. They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof. 
  3. They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition. 
  4. They wear you down over time, it is done gradually, over time. 
  5. Their actions do not match their words.
  6. They throw in positive reinforcement (i.e., sometimes praising you) to confuse you. 
  7. They know confusion weakens people. 
  8. They project.
  9. They try to align people against you.
  10. They tell you or others that you are crazy.
  11. They tell you everyone else is a liar.

Some common techniques to undermine your reality and portray you as the disturbed include:

  • Using a mask of confidence, assertiveness, and/or fake compassion
  • Minimizing how you feel and what you think
  • Twisting and reframing what was said or done in their favor to  cause you to second-guess yourself

Stalking

Stalking is defined as repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or any other behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear. These behaviors can include:

  • Questioning friends and family of the person targeted to gather information on whereabouts, new relationships, or friendships.
  • Appearing in places where the targeted person might be.
  • Waiting outside the target’s workplace/school/home.
  • Sending or leaving unwanted gifts or letters.

Studies report that about 2–13% of males and 8–32% of females are victimized by stalking at some point in their adult lives, and in the majority of such cases, the person is stalked by someone they know. Researchers have consistently shown that being stalked can produce post-traumatic stress. Stalking is best understood through a multi-dimensional model involving the relationship of the stalker to the victim, the motivation of the stalker, and the severity of the stalking behavior. Most stalkers do suffer from forms of mental illness including depression, substance abuse, and personality disorders.

References

Nadkarni, R., Grubin, D. (2000). Stalking: Why Do People Do It? The Behaviour Is Newsworthy But Complex

Psychology Today. What Is the Psychological Toll of Stalking?

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